Sunday, August 27, 2006
Spirituality and Belief
I consider myself a spiritual person. But my association with spirituality is bookish. I never met a spiritual person, nor did I seek one. Till recently I was happy with my regular course of reading books of Sri Ramkrishna Paramahansa, Swami Vivekananda, a few books written by various swamijis of Ramakrishna order, Srimad Bhagwat Geeta, Jiddu Krishnamurty, Shri Aurobindo, a few discourses of Swami Chinmayananda, and a few sporadic readings of OSHO. I do read of Deepak Chopra, but somehow find them beyond my understanding.
In spirituality I quite often keep discussing with two of my friends, incidentally both are unmarried. At the age bar they are diametrically opposite from mine. Manish shall be younger to me by a decade or more whereas Deshpande must be elder by a similar no. of years. Again incidentally both of them contributed to my present state of spiritual activities.
Well let me start from the beginning. I think, it must be more than a decade now; Deshpande gave me the book ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’. And let me be honest, if my memory is not failing me, this is the only book I could not finish. After a few chapters I could no longer withstand the kind of miracles he was talking about in the book. And there ended my relationship with Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda. I discarded the book in some corner of my vast collection of books and do not remember thinking about it further. Here let me mention that normally I don’t borrow books. (Long back I read somewhere that books are not borrowed for returning. Personally it has been proved, I never got back the books friends and relatives borrowed from me). Should we call it a divine intervention that I shamelessly did not bother to return the book? (A few months back I was discussing with Deshpande and mentioned about it. He did not show any surprise, rather confessed, he knew it but did not remind me due to courtesy).
Last year Manish came to Hyderabad and as usual we discussed a lot about spirituality and religion. I came to know that he has joined Yogada Satsanga Society. I narrated my earlier tryst with Yogananda Paranahansa. I don’t remember what was his reaction, but because of his mild personality, I think we did not have any altercation.
After couple months of his visit, one day I received the magazine ‘Yogoda Satsanga’. I had never subscribed this magazine, but I understood that Manish had done that for me. Since then every alternate month I was receiving the magazine. Sometimes I read them, sometime simply kept them aside, depending on my mood.
During last year I was passing through some personal crisis. I was generating self-doubt about the achievements, goals and purposes of life. It was a long disturbing phase. It may be termed as midlife crisis. One morning I was sitting on my desk, really disturbed, and saw one magazine lying in front. Just to pass time I started reading one article. That article created some rejuvenating effect in my mind. Suddenly I took some decisions, rather quite bold ones. I started feeling a new kind of strength and energy.
Should I say that it brought some changes in me? Well it gave me a new kind thought and I decided to track the old book to read it again. But somehow or other I could not do it.
Last month I went to Bilaspur to meet Manish and as usual we discussed spirituality and religion. Manish gifted me ‘Journey to Self-Realization’ – collected Talks and Essays on Realizing GOD in Daily Life, of Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda. This time I managed to read this book fully. It generated a kind of interest in me about self-realization. The speeches and writing are of different level and some reached me deep.
Now I took out the old book ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’ and finished reading. Again I found the narrations unrealistic. But now I have some doubt about my doubt. Here is a person who definitely is a highly knowledgeable person, HIS speeches and writings in the just read book ‘Journey to Self Realization’ is the testimony of his knowledge. Then how can he write about such unbelievable miracles? For example he describes about meeting his dead Guruji in flesh and blood as we meet a live person. How can you believe? My dilemma is: that is not possible, but then, if not, he is lying, which is really surprising and unbelievable from such a learned person. Then what is the truth? My mind does not accept that it did really happen; on the other hand I cannot believe he is lying.
I started reasoning, why did I think those are impossible – because till date I have not met anyone who claimed so. Nor did I read about anybody who claims so and on whom I have faith. So this is not a question of actually possibility or not, it is a question of my faith. It is not necessary that something is not feasible just because I don’t know about it.
Hence I am in this situation, torn myself in the conflict between belief and reality.But in the meantime I took another decision of seeking a GURU. I hope to keep you update on developments as and when happens.
In spirituality I quite often keep discussing with two of my friends, incidentally both are unmarried. At the age bar they are diametrically opposite from mine. Manish shall be younger to me by a decade or more whereas Deshpande must be elder by a similar no. of years. Again incidentally both of them contributed to my present state of spiritual activities.
Well let me start from the beginning. I think, it must be more than a decade now; Deshpande gave me the book ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’. And let me be honest, if my memory is not failing me, this is the only book I could not finish. After a few chapters I could no longer withstand the kind of miracles he was talking about in the book. And there ended my relationship with Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda. I discarded the book in some corner of my vast collection of books and do not remember thinking about it further. Here let me mention that normally I don’t borrow books. (Long back I read somewhere that books are not borrowed for returning. Personally it has been proved, I never got back the books friends and relatives borrowed from me). Should we call it a divine intervention that I shamelessly did not bother to return the book? (A few months back I was discussing with Deshpande and mentioned about it. He did not show any surprise, rather confessed, he knew it but did not remind me due to courtesy).
Last year Manish came to Hyderabad and as usual we discussed a lot about spirituality and religion. I came to know that he has joined Yogada Satsanga Society. I narrated my earlier tryst with Yogananda Paranahansa. I don’t remember what was his reaction, but because of his mild personality, I think we did not have any altercation.
After couple months of his visit, one day I received the magazine ‘Yogoda Satsanga’. I had never subscribed this magazine, but I understood that Manish had done that for me. Since then every alternate month I was receiving the magazine. Sometimes I read them, sometime simply kept them aside, depending on my mood.
During last year I was passing through some personal crisis. I was generating self-doubt about the achievements, goals and purposes of life. It was a long disturbing phase. It may be termed as midlife crisis. One morning I was sitting on my desk, really disturbed, and saw one magazine lying in front. Just to pass time I started reading one article. That article created some rejuvenating effect in my mind. Suddenly I took some decisions, rather quite bold ones. I started feeling a new kind of strength and energy.
Should I say that it brought some changes in me? Well it gave me a new kind thought and I decided to track the old book to read it again. But somehow or other I could not do it.
Last month I went to Bilaspur to meet Manish and as usual we discussed spirituality and religion. Manish gifted me ‘Journey to Self-Realization’ – collected Talks and Essays on Realizing GOD in Daily Life, of Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda. This time I managed to read this book fully. It generated a kind of interest in me about self-realization. The speeches and writing are of different level and some reached me deep.
Now I took out the old book ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’ and finished reading. Again I found the narrations unrealistic. But now I have some doubt about my doubt. Here is a person who definitely is a highly knowledgeable person, HIS speeches and writings in the just read book ‘Journey to Self Realization’ is the testimony of his knowledge. Then how can he write about such unbelievable miracles? For example he describes about meeting his dead Guruji in flesh and blood as we meet a live person. How can you believe? My dilemma is: that is not possible, but then, if not, he is lying, which is really surprising and unbelievable from such a learned person. Then what is the truth? My mind does not accept that it did really happen; on the other hand I cannot believe he is lying.
I started reasoning, why did I think those are impossible – because till date I have not met anyone who claimed so. Nor did I read about anybody who claims so and on whom I have faith. So this is not a question of actually possibility or not, it is a question of my faith. It is not necessary that something is not feasible just because I don’t know about it.
Hence I am in this situation, torn myself in the conflict between belief and reality.But in the meantime I took another decision of seeking a GURU. I hope to keep you update on developments as and when happens.
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]